A Right to Speak Pt.1: Feminism, Gender Roles, and a Woman's Place
It began with a Facebook post, as many arguments do - a plea for “thoughts from female friends” on a quote about gender roles.
The quote, overlaying a picture of a smiling woman, said this: “Our generation is becoming so busy trying to prove that women can do what men can do that women are losing their uniqueness. Women weren’t created to do everything a man can do. Women were created to do everything a man can’t do.”
And then the men jumped in.
What followed is fairly predictable - a debate which took some twists and turns, became weirdly personal at times, and accomplished nothing much. What surprised me, though, was the deeply ingrained idea, held by some people of my own generation, of what a women’s role is - a lack of ability to see the social construction of certain aspects of gender, and the unironic comment that a woman must “obey” her husband and shouldn’t “demand everything.”
I wonder how many young men are raised with the idea that women have a particular role to play in society. And I wonder how much of that perception comes from the idea that men and women are designed to ‘complement’ each other.
What I noticed from the discussion of this idea - that men and women have unique traits which are specific to their gender and which shouldn’t overlap - was the inherent criticism of women and the lack of understanding of what feminism is.
Apparently, despite much media coverage and many books and articles written on the topic, there are young people who still misunderstand it. I was told that the problem is “solved” (thanks Jacinda Ardern, apparently!) and I should just be happy about that.
Well.
I’m not happy. I’m concerned that the sort of attitude that says men and women are different and have unique traits (true) so easily turns into a tool to criticise and prevent women from seeking out and excelling in areas which are not traditionally feminine. As the quote posted said, we’re “becoming too busy trying to prove that women can do what men can do.” My question is - who gets to decide what men can do? Who is trying to prove this, and to whom are they trying to prove it? One could argue that it no longer needs to proven to anybody - that was accomplished generations ago.
What needs to be focused on instead is the encouragement of women in whatever field they wish to pursue. Indivual passion, work ethic and ability will determine whether one succeeds in a particular type of job or skill, not gender alone. But hearing voices which value their ambition and drive, rather than questioning or disapproving of it, is so inportant to the success of young women in a variety of fields.
Complementarianism argues that men and women have distinct roles in society and the church. Whether you agree with that or not depends on your own viewpoint, and probably your upbringing and cultural background. But what we need to be careful of is allowing this attitude (held by some, but not all) to act as a guise for sexism and discrimination. Women are capable of doing “masculine” things like sawing branches off trees, driving tractors, pursuing top-level positions within companies, making a rational and unemotional argument, negotiating payrises, preaching sermons, and many more. Driving a car and working full-time was considered very unfeminine 80 years ago, but most of us regluarly do those things now. Perceptions change. Opportunitues change. But if these are the things that women are spending time pursuing, one has to wonder about the inherent sexism of the quote above - if our generation is “spending too much time proving that women can do what men can do”, what exactly should they be doing instead?
The changing role of women in society or the church doesn’t need to be seen as a threat. It’s added value. A wise friend of mine addressed this well when she said: “The point of feminism has never been to oppress men. It’s a wee bit egotistical to think that it is.”
If I lose my “uniqueness” (as defined by someone else) by having a fulfilling career and no children, I’m actually okay with that. My sense of uniqueness isn’t dependent on the gender expectations of others.
So think carefully about this issue before discussing it on public forums. Think about the way you speak to children about gender - it shouldn’t act as a prediction or restriction.
Jane Edge
Here are some articles on the topic if you’d like to read further:
Why Feminism Still Matters to Young People - https://theconversation.com/why-feminism-still-matters-to-young-people-91299
What is Feminism - https://www.thoughtco.com/what-is-feminism-3528958