Sunscreen / Lily Stewart

Failure. A seven letter word to make you feel like the world around you is crumbling. An over-reaction or an under-reaction, deep rooted in the fact that we’ve been told at some point in our lives that we aren't good enough. From failing your spelling test when you were 8 years old to failing your last Uni paper, the failure feels the same. The deep pit in your stomach that bubbles up like an evil swamp you can imagine from a fairytale.

But this feeling fades, eventually you come across something in your life that makes you feel amazing. It makes you feel great. The greatness of accomplishing something overwhelms the negative because it's something you want to feel. Nobody wants to feel the bubbling swamp, they want to feel the sunshine on a cloudy day. The warm rays of happiness, the bright light of feeling great. Overwhelming the fact that you were just in that swamp.

Feeling this failure. Coming in different forms of not being good enough for someone, failing a test or not cooking something the right way. The swamp starts to bubble and the sky clouds over the sunshine. You no longer feel like you're good enough, your yellow goes to grey and you feel it, Failure.

The dictionary meaning of failure is a lack of success like an unsuccessful person or thing. Being classified as unsuccessful is being told you're a Failure. Not being able to see the great things that are brought your way because of the people using their lassos of jealousy and sadness to pull you into the swap. To pull you out of the sunshine and into the rain where you are drenched with the thoughts of being told you'll never be anything.

The thought slips into your mind that scares you too much to even think. Paralysed by the fact that you agree with the things people are saying because it's easier to give up then to stand up for yourself, because you're not good enough for that right?

Often we are caught in these swamps and waiting for the next unsuspecting ray of light to walk by and greet us with a hello only for them to be dragged into our swamp of despair. Not knowing that we followed our own path into the swap of what was our own thoughts. Telling ourselves that we don't deserve to be under the warmth of love and appreciation. Instead standing and sinking deeply into what we hate about ourselves because that is what we think we deserve.

Not grabbing the hand or rope that is right next to us but instead facing away because it is easier than facing our own realities. That the world is unjust and unfair and we rather blame that then looking into what is true. Because to look is to see and to see is too hard. Seeing and believing that we, that you are destined for greatness.

So let yourself. Let yourself turn around and grab the hand that is being reached out to you, or the rope that was left there so that one day you can pull yourself out. Don't let yourself ruin your own greatness but embrace yourself in the sunshine, even through the sunburns and dehydration. Stick through the pain and know that this feeling is only temporary because you are going to get through it. So apply your own sunscreen and know that you are great.

Lily Stewart