Raising a child with Autism: "What I wish people knew!" / Raquel

Autism isn't a word I was familiar with until I had my eldest child. When I was pregnant I wondered what he would look like, would he have lots of hair or even have my blue eyes.

As the pregnancy progressed I had the 12 week scan and everything was ticking along nicely. The scan showed his bones growing to what they were expecting and assured me that everything was going great. Although the pregnancy wasn't without its issues, and we got through them as they happened and carried on.

When Liam was born he was a very healthy weight and height. With the midwife joking he's a steak and chips boy. I didn't know what she was talking about as he was absolutely gorgeous to me. When I look back at my pregnancy I can't say that I knew any better than I did, as this was my first child.

As Liam grew he wasn't rolling over and sitting up at 6 months like the mile stones had suggested. But the plunket nurse said it wasn't anything to worry about. At 8 months old Liam pulled himself up to stand at our coffee table , took 2 steps and kept walking. My mouth fell open as he had not tried to walk at all and he just gets up and off he goes.

By the time Liam was 12 months he was doing strange things like walking down the hallway and straight into the wall, then walk away as if it didn't happen.

At 18 months it was my first clue, if you like, that my first born son was different. He stood in the lounge with his fingers in his ears as if the stereo was blasting. The radio was on, but not even close to be loud. I turned to my mother and said " is that normal" , "what is he doing".

I say "normal" as this is my first baby and was a young mum.

My first experience of Liam being different, was at Daycare when he was 2, and I was rung up to come and see the centre manager where I was informed that one of the teachers "hated" Liam and refused to deal with him. As a mother, I'm thinking how does a grown women hate a 2 Year old,and how can he be a threat to her. I was also pregnant at this time and had just lost one of the twins, the baby couldn't be saved.

I went home and cried and cried. I felt empty inside.

My aunty had also died from suicide and my pregnancy hormones were crazy. I only had my parents to discuss things with and they were at a loss also as to why the teacher felt this way.

Liam's behavior continued to be a problem and a couple of months after having my second son I rang a place for help with dishes, and vacuuming when you have a newborn. The lady had gone outside with Liam after completing the chores and was watching him play. I went out to see how things were going, and she was very quick to suggest and all Liam needed was a good hiding. I thanked her for her advice and said I won't be doing such a thing. Liam started kindergarten not long after this and the teachers called me to discuss what happens outside in the playground at lunchtime.

The teachers made fun of me in this meeting and were laughing at me.

I had no explanation as to Liam's behavior as when he was around strangers or other children he was a different child. Liam got the blame for everything. And they didn't care if he'd actually don't it, if Liam was in the vicinity of the accident, it was automatically his fault.

Sadly even though Liam had made a couple of close friendships at 3 and 4 the parents realized Liam wasn't the same as their children. And stopped their kids from wanting to be near Liam. So he quickly went from having friends to no friends.

Unfortunately when Liam started school things didn't get any better, his first teacher hated him also and palmed him off to the other Year 0 teacher. The school was quick to point out Liam had some problems and this is when the blame started.

According to them, because Liam didn't see his father and because I was a single parent, this was the cause of Liam's problems. So my parents paid to have Liam go through private testing to see how we can help him. The test came back with results and many recommendations, but none of them were ever put in place. They just put Liam's desk at the front of the classroom against the black board and isolated him completely from any student. The principal also hated Liam and one school day, he expressed these feelings to me, while Liam stood right next to me. I pulled Liam's arm away as fast as I could as I was so disgusted at the principal.

At this point I'd like to say Liam's behavior and schooling improved somewhat, but I would be lying.

It was like riding a rollercoaster of death and if I survived one week, then the valley of darkness we seemed to be on so often, was only over until the next comment and judgement was made.

Over and over again I was judged and never treated like a human being.

I was just a bad parent with a naughty as kid that didn't care about anything according to them. I lost my friends around this time because of Liam's behavior, they all couldn't handle him, and he was discriminated against because they didn't understand him .

I had no choice but to keep on going and doing the best I could until I could figure out how to help Liam. It wasn't until he was nearly 8 that we went private and paid for an assessment to be done and he was diagnosed straight away.

High Functioning Autism.

What was that? And how? All the questions started.

Liam was looking at the roof at this point as if he was far away, the psychologist said look at him, he's not even here.

So this started our journey of research and new understanding of each other and learning how to communicate with my son all over again. As none of the stuff I was using was helpful.

Liam got more violent as he got older and was kicking me leaving bruises left right and centre.

I would go to work and find myself lying about how I got so many bruises on my legs. Eventually it was obvious that main stream school wasn't going to work. The teachers at school were calling him swear words, so he would shut down. And it spiraled from there. The behavior got worse and his language towards me wore the brunt of it all.

I was everything under the sun.

I tried to defend my son the best I could through out his school years, but I was always the useless mother who didn't know anything.

The problem was, they couldn't see Liam for who he really was.

They only saw the negative behaviors.

I wish they could see what I see.

Throughout the years I've admired Liam for his caring and loving approach to babies and toddlers. Since he was at primary school he had a unique way of being a big brother in the way he cared for and approached younger children.

Even though we were at logger heads a lot, I know Liam loved me.

He may not of shown it like kids do, but his occasional backwards hug was his way of showing affection.

I loved that he talked about his brothers and felt like he could protect us if harm were to come upon us. And our random chats that were about nothing really but ended in hysterical laughter.

People are often so much more then what you see at face value.

Instead of judging us, listen to our story.

• Raquel