Is your mental health suffering at Christmas? Time to Go Easy on yourself / A.J. Hendry

Christmas can be hard.

In fact, it can be down right difficult.

And for those struggling with their mental health, it can be harder still.

Christmas time is this weird time of year, where suddenly we have all these new expectations put on us. On top of our day jobs (which are more likely than not busier than normal), there's presents to buy, family gatherings to organize, work functions to attend, and of course everyone wants to catch up for coffee because, crap I haven't seen such and such for almost a year, we better catch up before Christmas!

Getting everything done, while keeping up with everyone's expectations, can feel impossible. Not to mention the extra energy it takes just managing your mental health and keeping your head above water.

Christmas can easily become a time where prioritizing one's health is easier said than done. A time where it can be easier to relapse into old patterns, than do what you need to in order to look after yourself. A time when regular patterns get disrupted, and those key practices or habits we have that help us unwind or relax, get neglected in favour of our never ending list of have too's.

If you are starting to feel that Christmas anxiety coming on, or perhaps starting to notice those small warning bells your body sends you when it's telling you to slow down, than perhaps take a moment to pause.

Check in with yourself.

How are you managing your self care? Are you looking after yourself?

For me I know I need space to read, write and have a coffee. Harder to get now with a little energizer bunny running around the house non-stop. I know I also need to sleep more, and eat better, prioritize exercising, you know all that good stuff. But, I'm probably the worst at looking after myself. As a Father and Husband who spends most of his week at work, I feel that I need to be with my wife and son when I get home.

And to be honest, I feel guilty when I take time for myself.

Yet, I know - deep, deep, down - that looking after myself isn't selfish. It's necessary.

Now, I write this knowing I'm not very good at it.

My wife - when she reads this - will no doubt laugh to read her own words repeated back to her. But, she is right. I do need to look after myself better.

I doubt I'm the only one though.

I mean, did you know that it's actually ok to say no?

You don't have to say yes to everything.

You don't have to catch up with everyone.

Heck, you don't even have to read half your FB messages if you don't have the head space for it.

You are not a commodity.

Shock, horror. What a revelation!

You see we have this weird culture here in the West where it's almost a status symbol to be busy.

But, busy isn't cool, it's actually just exhausting.

I recently had a small relapse with my own mental health.

I had been feeling like I was managing my mental health really well, and than all of a sudden I found myself trapped in that dark, chasm of despair again. How I got there I'm not really sure. Maybe it's the busyness of the season, maybe a result of a year's worth of pressure, maybe I just got complacent, I don't know.

Yet, all of a sudden I felt like I'd lost control. When it happens it's like darkness covers my mind like a blanket, just thinking can feel like I'm walking through mires full of mud. And then, when I do get free of it, after what can be days of sludging through gunk, I'm faced with the guilt.

Guilt because I've allowed this thing to take away precious time from my wife and son. Guilt, because those old demons come back to me, lying to me about how I should be strong enough to resist. That I should just get over feeling this way. That I should be able to manage things better by now.

I know that none of that is true.

Yet, those lies can be so easy to believe some times.

If you've had your own journey with mental illness you'll know what I mean. This cycle is all to common.

But, what about you though?

How are you going?

Are you doing the things you need to in order to look after yourself?

It's ok if you're not, but maybe take a moment among the busyness to take a step back.

Check in with yourself, and perhaps figure out what you need to say no to, in order to say yes to those things that bring you life.

And remember, you are loved. Of course, those voices in your head won't let you believe that, but hey, who cares what they have to say right? You can know you are loved, even if you don't feel it.

Know it, because you still have breath in your lungs, because the sun rises again tomorrow morning, because good coffee, and GF/DF brioches (or insert or own favourite treat here) still exist.

You don't have to earn Love, you don't have to try and find it, you don't even have to feel it, your invited simply to accept it as a state of being. You are loved.

That's just the way it is.

Meri Kirihimete my friends, I wish you the best, may you have a rich, and wonderful time, and may you know how amazing your really are.

A.J. Hendry