Is Suicide a Ticket to Hell?: Mental Illness, Hell and the Spiritual Trauma that comes with it / A.J. Hendry
A Catholic priest in America recently made waves by claiming that a young man who had tragically died from suicide was destined to suffer the eternal conscious torment of Hell as a result.
Though it might be easier to believe that this sort of thinking only exists in that crazy land across the sea, the uncomfortable reality is that these very beliefs can be found in Aotearaoa as well.
And though it is true that you are unlikely to hear that sermon from a pulpit on a Sunday morning, just because it isn’t preached as overtly, doesn’t mean it doesn’t have a harmful effect.
Growing up I was taught that if you died from suicide, you would end up spending eternity in hell.
I don’t remember who first taught me that ‘this was true’, but the logic was largely unquestioned.
If you sin without asking God for forgiveness, you go to hell.
And since the very nature of the ‘sin’ of suicide doesn’t allow much room for repentance, the verdict was clear.
Suicide = hell.
And then, I suffered from depression myself. The blackness, the hopelessness, the overwhelming, unrelenting desire to end my own life.
A feeling I couldn’t explain, nor did I want. Yet, one that stayed with me, day in, and day out. Dogging my every step, latching on to my every thought.
I needed help, I needed hope, but I was a Christian.
And I wasn’t meant to be depressed.
I’d been taught that my God made me ‘more than a conqueror’. I was meant to ‘rise above it’, to be able to command the voices in my head to disappear and they would ‘vanish in Jesus name!’
But they didn’t vanish.
They stayed with me.
Taunting me, whispering to me at night, trying desperately to convince me to end my putrid existence.
My inability to make them stop was a failure of faith.
It was ‘proof’ that my faith wasn’t strong enough, that I wasn’t strong enough.
For a long time, I was afraid to open up about what I was going through.
Afraid, that if I admitted that I was suffering from depression, that it would mean that I had failed my God. That I was weak, that I had given up, that I had given in to my sin.
Suicide was the ultimate sin.
So, to admit that I was not only experiencing depression, but was also fighting against these feelings of suicide and self-harm, was terrifying.
And so, for a long time I avoided getting the help I needed, I refused to admit that what I was going through was real. Choosing to suffer in silence, pretending desperately that I was just making it all up.
And then one day, Depression almost killed me.
Overwhelmed, and drowning in the pain and poison of the disease, I placed myself in a risky situation that very well could have ended my life.
I survived.
But, what if I hadn’t?
Would God have sentenced me to Hell for suffering at the hands of depression?
Would I now be burning for eternity?
No…
Or at least, I don’t believe so.
You see this idea that I was taught - this belief that suicide is such a grievous sin, that even God cannot forgive it - is as deadly as it is shocking. This sort of thinking keeps people from getting help and adds to the stigma and shame that comes with depression.
Yet, that’s not all it does.
It also reveals the toxic nature of this conception of Hell.
You see, on one side we are taught that for those that do not repent of their sins, God has created a place for you to ‘suffer and be tormented for eternity.’
Yet, on the other, you have this God revealed through Jesus, who teaches his followers to ‘love their enemies’ and ‘forgive those who persecute them.’
It shouldn’t take a rocket scientist to see that these two teachings don’t exactly fit well together.
Yet, despite the obvious contradiction, Hell – as it is most widely understood – is doggedly defended by many Christians.
And it is this belief that drives many Christians to say and do hurtful things in order ‘rescue people’ from eternal damnation.
So perhaps it’s time to give one of them up.
One of these idea’s isn’t in the Bible...
The other is taught by Jesus.
I know which one I would rather hold on to.
The God revealed through Jesus is a God of Love, a God of forgiveness and grace, a God who says to those who are hurting ‘come to me, and I will give you rest’.
To say that Jesus would send someone to hell for dying from a mental illness, is a form of spiritual trauma, which essentially results in the rejection of Him and His message all together.
I have no doubt that the priest in question was sincere in what he said. But, his brand of sincerity will kill someone. And his brand of Christianity is incompatible with the overwhelming Love and acceptance we find revealed in Jesus.
If you’re suffering from a mental illness right now, if you’re struggling to find the courage to admit that what you’re going through is real, then I pray you will find the strength to reach out.
Mental illness is not a sin to be ashamed of.
Admitting to yourself, and to others, that you have a mental health condition doesn’t mean that you’ve failed, that you’re weak, that you’re faith isn’t strong enough.
No.
Owning what you’re going through is the greatest form of strength.
Reaching out, seeking help, is nothing short of courageous.
So hold firm, no matter the fear.
Stand strong, no matter how loud the voices scream at you to hide away.
You are not condemned, belittled or reduced.
Battling mental illness does not make you less.
Especially not in the eyes of Jesus.
So put aside your fear, for yourself, for that young man.
Regardless of the judgment that priest proclaimed, he will not be burning in Hell…
Not if Jesus has anything to say about it anyway.